Turn Back Time

I was tapping my foot anxiously at the small traffic jam that was getting closer as my car went forward. The tapping went faster as the car totally stopped behind the red light which was still tens of meters away, worrying that I might be late for work. To make it worse, my car was facing right off the blazing 07:45 AM sun, blinding my vision for a good few seconds. Shifting my visions away from the scorching sun, I caught a glimpse of a long row elementary school students who were making their way on the sidewalk, wearing their sports uniform, walking pair by pair, super-visioned by an adult‒teacher‒in every 2 meters of the row. It's a common thing to do here since it was Friday morning, where students from public schools or employees of government offices are obliged to do morning exercise in the form of jogging or rhythmic gymnastic.

I couldn't help myself to observe them, watching their every move and behavior. Some of the boys were yelling at the motorcyclists who stopped unwillingly due to the same traffic as I was, calling them 'hey sir,' 'hey loser' and any other childish mockery nicknames. Afterwards they would run a few feet away while giggling around, overjoyed although the teacher started to scold them. Meanwhile some of the girls were picking up dead leaves which scattered on the pathway, secretly putting them on the other girls' hair while holding their laughter. I smiled at the scenes.

The red light turned into green and my car was slowly drifting away from the kids, leaving my mind to start wondering. I used to be that careless, nonchalant kid as they are. Always happy, breaking the rules and not giving a single damn about life's problems. I sighed at the good-old memories. It's totally the opposite of the life that I'm currently living on; I need to be very careful with my action, my words, how I dress, how I handle new things, how I behave when the superior is pointing out my mistakes, how I contain my anger so it doesn't come to surface, how I should maintain my relationship with my colleagues‒whether I like it or not‒for the sake of my peacefulness during 9-hours-a-day and 5-days-a-week work life.

Well, sometimes being a grown-up sucks.

About Being A College Post-Grad

I've just graduated college 3 months ago. I applied for a few jobs, turned down one job offer which I had already been in the last stage of interview, and get accepted at a company which located in my hometown. During these 3 months, I really had the time of my life where I could sleep late after watching the whole season of American TV series or Youtube videos, woke up super-late, only eat whenever I was hungry and occasionally went to the mall or café with my closest friend(s). I'm just a typical lazy girl (or woman?) who's completely spending the free time I had in my plate so well. At least that's what most people see.

Sometimes in between my sleepless nights, I questioned myself whether this is the life that I've been dreaming of all these times or not; graduated from college earlier (it took me 3.7 years to finish college), get a job at one of the biggest local herbal drinking company 3 months after and living a decent life as a salarywoman. The answer is no. Rather than feeling accomplished (well, that only lasts for 3 days after they announced my bachelor degree), I'm feeling kind of empty and...scared. Being a salarywoman is never my dream. I never liked the idea of sitting inside a cubicle from 8 to 5 and being bossed around by people. To make it more specific, I don't like living a monotone life. 

I grew to love challenge in my college days. There was always an unexpected event that occurred to me in every semester. There are more and more people who trusted difficult tasks to me and I did my best to finish them. The difficulty level increased over time and I finished the tasks that I never thought I'm capable of. I was proud and happy. That's it, until I graduated and the excitement of accomplishing things was yanked away from me. I was forced to leave my little circle of happy life and jumped into work that has never been on my bucket list. At this point, you can blame me for being so dumb applying for the job that I don't even love in the first place. Well, it's not that I want to. There were circumstances that I can't explain here which made me do it. Life is always full of surprise, isn't it.

But deep down, I know that somehow I can get through this. My college life has taught me that opportunity will always come to those who seek. Although I don't–or shall I say, haven't–loved this job, I know that it's no coincidence that I'm placed here. Yes, I'm quite a believer so I know that bigger things are already prepared for me.

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope - Jeremiah 29:11